Tuesday, March 17, 2009

A Loss of Enthusiasm

I have been trying to carefully select the responsibilities to which I commit. Right about now, however, I feel over-committed. And I don't feel like I can take anything off my plate. I have spoken with the adult choir director at church, and I will be leaving some rehearsals early - especially when I have other night-time commitments within the week. For example, tonight I have a vestry meeting, so tomorrow I'll leave choir rehearsal early in order to get home to help out with bedtime. I've also said there will be some weeks when I just can't attend choir with all the other personal and family commitments. But in terms of roles that I play, I don't see any that I can remove at this time. The one I am least excited about, and which was added last, is that of co-chair of the Raleigh Convocation for the diocesan Episcopal Church Women (ECW). This is only a one-year commitment, but today I wish I had said no. I suppose I might be able to find someone to take over for me, but that is the only way I feel I can bow out at this time. And I do have a co-chair, so I don't have to do it alone.

Part of the reason for this feeling of over-commitment is due to my new job and the possibility of adding on another part-time job to that. Plus doing all the work in my head to arrange childcare is challenging to say the least. Not to mention the phone calls/conversations/logistics arranging that I have to do to implement my plans.

Most of the time I feel good and optimistic. I wish I had a clean house, though. I've started asking my children to help out more, and for the most part, they have stepped up - especially J, believe it or not! I seem to be the only family member who has an opinion about things left out, bathrooms that need cleaning, dust bunnies multiplying exponentially, dishes that just don't seem to get clean. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother to clean/straighten up if my family doesn't seem to mind the mess. But I feel lots better when it is not messy. I just don't like feeling like I'm the bad guy trying to make others do things they don't seem to believe are even necessary in the first place.

I am so ready for some sunshine. We've had 4 or 5 days straight of dreary, rainy, cloudy, cold weather. It's enough to make an optimist see the glass as half-empty! It's coming, though, one day soon. And when it does, I expect my mood will become more sunny as well.


sarah said...

RE: "I just don't like feeling like I'm the bad guy trying to make others do things they don't seem to believe are even necessary in the first place." For your children, at least, remember that you are helping them to grow up to be good housemates and partners to other people who might actually care about cleanliness - even if THEY never do. You may actually be saving them some relationship problems down the road!

Lynn said...

I agree with Sarah. We have one at home who wasn't allowed to drive to school today since he thinks that his short chore list of household activities can be ignored without consequences. I truly believe children without responsibility stand a good chance of being irresponsible, lazy, low-achieving adults. Life isn't about doing only the things we want to do. Sometimes it is about consideration and respect for those around you..such as family.