It's so hard to say no to an opportunity to help other people. I called Supplemental this morning to say I don't feel this job in Hoffman is a good fit, mainly because of the distance from home. I said no to the job as it was presented to me, but left the door open if they could arrange a short-term, renewable contract. I wish I had just said no completely, but I just couldn't. I am genuinely intrigued by this job and if it were no more than 30 minutes away, I think I would have said yes - I think. 48 hours is not a long time to think about a job offer, but it has been long enough for me to come to the conclusion that I wanted to call and say no.
I arrogantly feel that there must be no one else who will do this, or who is capable of this. In fact, the former may be true but the latter certainly is not. I apologized for saying no, and Emily told me there was no need to apologize. That was nice to hear. I don't like the feeling that I'm getting someone's hopes up and then I say no and let them down. I've been on the other side, when recruiting volunteers for big jobs. They think about it and say no. It's not fun. I'm always disappointed. But I did find someone else each time.
I haven't even gotten a chance to feel what it's like to have both kids in school all day long and figure out what I will do with my time. I want to know what that's like. I am sure I will find ways to fill my time, and may specifically seek a part-time job related to Speech Pathology. Plus there's this idea of forming my own business.
I have a great tendency to get very excited about a new project or job, then to lose my enthusiasm and momentum, and most often to drop it completely. Then I feel bad and guilty until something new comes along to capture my energy for a while.
I guess I would feel worse if I had sought this job and then said no. But they called out of the blue and asked me about it. I didn't ask them to do that. Well, we'll see what happens. I don't want to have to say no again, so I hope they don't come back to me with a short-term contract option.