Saying No

It's so hard to say no to an opportunity to help other people.  I called Supplemental this morning to say I don't feel this job in Hoffman is a good fit, mainly because of the distance from home.  I said no to the job as it was presented to me, but left the door open if they could arrange a short-term, renewable contract.  I wish I had just said no completely, but I just couldn't.  I am genuinely intrigued by this job and if it were no more than 30 minutes away, I think I would have said yes - I think.  48 hours is not a long time to think about a job offer, but it has been long enough for me to come to the conclusion that I wanted to call and say no.

I arrogantly feel that there must be no one else who will do this, or who is capable of this.  In fact, the former may be true but the latter certainly is not.  I apologized for saying no, and Emily told me there was no need to apologize.  That was nice to hear.  I don't like the feeling that I'm getting someone's hopes up and then I say no and let them down.  I've been on the other side, when recruiting volunteers for big jobs.  They think about it and say no.  It's not fun.  I'm always disappointed.  But I did find someone else each time.

I haven't even gotten a chance to feel what it's like to have both kids in school all day long and figure out what I will do with my time.  I want to know what that's like.  I am sure I will find ways to fill my time, and may specifically seek a part-time job related to Speech Pathology.   Plus there's this idea of forming my own business.

I have a great tendency to get very excited about a new project or job, then to lose my enthusiasm and momentum, and most often to drop it completely.  Then I feel bad and guilty until something new comes along to capture my energy for a while.

I guess I would feel worse if I had sought this job and then said no.  But they called out of the blue and asked me about it.  I didn't ask them to do that.  Well, we'll see what happens.  I don't want to have to say no again, so I hope they don't come back to me with a short-term contract option.

Another Opportunity to Consider

I got a call this afternoon from Supplemental Health Care, which is the agency that employed me for my contract home health speech therapy position last summer.  They have some very interesting employment opportunities, most of which I have turned down recently.  The one they offered to me today is at a prison in Hoffman, NC.  It's about an hour and a half away from my house.  I wouldn't even consider this position if it were every day.  But they only need 8 hours a week.  And there could be opportunity to transfer to the Speech Therapy Services at Central Prison in Raleigh down the road.  I don't know all the details yet, but I do find this intriguing.  Perhaps an opportunity for ministry lies herein.  Of course I've also got my new part time job at Footlights, a "Destination Store for Dancers" which is owned by a friend of mine from church.  I'm helping with her bookkeeping just a little bit.  And there are family obligations to consider.  I don't know, but it feels good to be asked.  I'll have to make a fairly quick decision on this one, I think, because there is an orientation next Tuesday I would need to attend.  Just when I think things are settling in to a nice pattern, something like this comes up to switch things up a bit.  My life is never boring.

Waiting for Feedback

If you didn't know this about me, I really like feedback.  Two-way communication.  I like to blog to get my thoughts out, but I then spend time checking back to see if anyone has left a comment.  It's the same way with posting on Facebook or sending an email.  I have put something out there and am hoping someone will respond.  It reminds me of pre-answering machine and caller-ID days.  I'd leave a message for someone to call me and then wait.  I couldn't go anywhere - not even to the bathroom because I might miss that call.  Those were the pre-cordless phone days too.  At least now I can get away and go to the bathroom while waiting for feedback.  Or eat a snack or even work on the laundry.  But my unanswered half of a conversation pulls me back in - I've got to check and see if there is a comment, a response, or at minimum if someone "likes" my Facebook status.  It's a catch-22.  If I stay away from electronic communication, I don't have to keep checking back.  The more I stay online the more I have to check.  I guess it's kind of like an addiction.  Perhaps I'm addicted to communication.  My daughter has pointed out to me that talking is my favorite past-time.  I think she's right.  I'd prefer to speak to people in person.  Phone calls are next best.  But everyone is so busy that those options usually aren't available.  So, I guess I'll have to deal with wanting to check in frequently.  And to make the most of the intervals between checks.

By the way, thanks to my sis for interrupting this blogging session with a Facebook chat just now.  That was fun.

Bouncing Ideas

So, I find myself thinking a lot of random thoughts - well maybe not so random - this morning.  My two first choices for people to bounce ideas off-of are not available now.  So, my wonderful blog readers get to hear me think.

What I'm mainly thinking about is adding on to our house.  Or maybe not.  I have such grand ideas, but although I've not actually gotten quotes on my ideas, I expect them to amount to essentially a second mortgage payment each month. I've been dreaming more about this since James' job has become stable again (well as stable as a job can be in today's environment).  Of course, I know this about myself - I dream big.  I have plans of adding on an addition to the back of the house which would allow space for a new family room, extended kitchen, renovated bathroom and laundry room on the main level.  I also have visions of revamping the upstairs so we could renovate the kids' bathroom and add a master bath and closet.  The cost of realizing these dreams, including time, money, and impact on our family (and 13 year old cat), is beginning to make me re-think how big I want to dream.  I am starting to wonder what I can do with what we currently have to make it feel new and improved without any major construction involved.

One step I took recently was to ask James to list his likes and dislikes about this house and any items he would like to add or change.  His list was way smaller than mine.  I have to admit, I was not too happy when he shared it with me at first.   I was grateful that he did take the time to make the list at my request.  I was just disappointed that we didn't have more in common on our two lists.  One thing that jumped out at me was that he liked our laundry being in the basement.  On my wish list was a laundry room on the main level.  I asked him why he liked it down there (of course I do most of the laundry) and he said he liked it in the basement in case of flooding.  As much as I hate to admit it, he does have a point.  And, with our new front-loading washer that has a mighty spin cycle, the house definitely shakes less with the washer on the concrete basement floor than it would on the main level.  Plus, if I don't move the laundry to the main level, there is more room to play with on the main level for renovated bathroom and kitchen.

I also am liking the idea of actually going ahead and redecorating rooms that with our big remodel would likely have to be put on hold.  For example, I am really tired of our living room rug and furniture.  We could reupholster the furniture, get a new rug and install a gas-log fireplace insert, plus update the room with some new paint for a lot less than an addition onto the back of the house.  I really do want to update the kitchen at minimum.  I could stand to live with it a little longer without a major remodel if it got cleaned up and updated just a little.  But I hope there is no lead paint on our original kitchen cabinets that are attached to our un-insulated, plaster walls!

Well, I feel better having put some of these thoughts in writing.  If nothing else, I can come back and refer to them later.  I think I need some professional advice to point me in the right direction.  There are a lot of things we could do with the money we could spend on a big remodel/addition.   Please feel free to offer feedback or suggestions, particularly the type of professional I should seek to help me make a good plan that James and I will both like.