Dandruff

I've been composing this post in my head for a while now. It's something I want to "come clean" about, if you will: I have a dandruff problem.

So now that I've said that, there are some other things that come to mind related to that statement.

1. Those of you who are close to me may already be aware that I have dandruff.
2. If you already knew, you can stop worrying that I don't know about it, because I do.
3. I have tried a variety of shampoos and conditioners for dandruff and other scalp-conditions.
4. My dermatologist says that the best way to help it is to wash it every day.
5. I don't want to change my lifestyle so that I have to wash my hair every day.
6. The hair itself doesn't need to be washed every day. In fact, I think it's better for my hair not to wash it daily. It certainly is better for my daily living patterns, and of course uses less water.
7. I also color my hair and pay a significant portion of my budget to do it. Medicated shampoos make the color fade faster. I'm not willing to stop coloring my hair at this point.
   
8. The fall/winter seasons bring out my dark wardrobe. My coats are mostly brown or black. I like to wear turtlenecks of solid, dark colors.
   
9. Thus, my white dandruff is going to be more noticeable during the cooler months.
10. I know this sounds silly, but I want to make sure people still like me even though I have dandruff.
    
11. I really want to be able to relax and not worry about whether my dandruff is showing or not. I spend so much time trying to get it off me so that no one will notice it.
12. I want to be able to trust that others will not judge me for having dandruff.
13. But since I can't control whether or not others will judge me or think unkindly of me, I want to be able to be at peace if/when others do judge me for having dandruff.
14. I think dandruff is annoying and frustrating - and it really itches sometimes! But I don't want it to control what I feel comfortable doing. That is just not right.
15. So there you have it. If you have never noticed it before, you'll probably find yourself checking me out the next time you see me to see if you can spot any flakes. Go ahead - I am the one who has called your attention to it. Just know that it presents a self-esteem issue for me and help me defeat what power dandruff has over me by loving me anyway (or at least putting up with me for the time being!)
    

Some Biking Photos from the Weekend

A Sense of Calm

Today I am calmer than I have been over the past week. Between worries about the economy and how it may impact my family, my grandmother's new living situation, getting ready for my parents-in-law's visit this past weekend and chairing the nominating committee for the women's group at church, I have barely had a moment to think for myself. Much less a minute of feeling calm. (Oh and did I mention MC's urinary tract infection that led to a gazillion accidents, piles of laundry, and repeated battles to get medicine in her this weekend?) And James and I taught Sunday School yesterday too!

Anyway, MC's infection is under control with bribes of sugar, honey, and Oreos (so far) to get the medicine in her. And we had a very nice visit with James' parents. Plus, J figured out how to ride his new bike without training wheels while they were here. It was one of my favorite parenting moments ever. James would give him a push to start him off on a flat, grassy trail near our house. Once James let go, he stayed put and J pedalled as far away as he could. When he stopped, he looked back at how far he'd gone, got off his bike and ran to us with a huge grin, giving us high fives and big hugs. It was just great.

Today I was able to go to Curves and get in a good workout while MC was at school. It has been one month since I started their new Curves-Smart program. While I am the same weight I was a month ago, I lost a total of 4 inches from various parts of my body in the past month! Finally getting back on track feels good. And for a progress report, I was able to complete 5 man-pushups after my workout today for the first time ever. My goal is to be able to do 8 by my birthday on November 8th.

Can't Sleep

I woke up about 40 minutes ago needing to use the bathroom. Just as I got into the bathroom, J came out of his room - not sure he was awake. I spoke to him and asked him if he wanted to go first. He said yes, and got a drink of water. Then he went back toward his room. I asked again if he wanted to use the bathroom and he said yes. But he put himself back in bed. So I tucked him in and went back to the bathroom. Then I couldn't get back to sleep. I hate lying in bed trying to go back to sleep, so I got up. I know that sitting here in front of the computer is probably not sleep-inducive. However, I thought maybe it would at least be an outlet for some of the thoughts going through my mind.

My friend Danielle, whom I met at Curves, came over for supper tonight. The kids had never met her but were so excited that she was coming. They even sat outside on the front steps watching for her for several minutes before she came. Once she arrived they started showing her magic tricks and asking her questions and I don't know what all. I had biscuit dough on my hands when she came so I called to her from the kitchen. James had to help her make her exit to come say hello to me! She was wonderful with the kids - they immediately loved her. It was the first time she and my family had met. I was very proud to introduce them all. MC insisted that we sing the Church Girls and Operator songs from the Follies. We also sang the "spit in your eye song" ("I Cain't Say No" from Oklahoma!). She loves to sing this song with me. I will sing the first part of a line and let her finish it. It is too cute. Jay even came up to sing Operator with us. Oh my. I know Danielle had no idea what she was in for when she accepted my invitation to dinner.

Oh, and by the way, J's clean laundry is currently in his room. He got it out of the dryer by himself, on his own initiative. I asked him if he'd like my help folding it. He first said yes, but changed his mind when I got there, saying he thought he could do it himself. So I left him alone with it (and with his sister who cheerfully volunteered to help him fold it). I think he got maybe 1/3 of it folded, from the looks of it in the basket. I also know it made it to his room. Since it was James' night to read to J, I don't know if it made it into his drawers yet or not. But he has plenty of clean underwear now.

Update to today's post

FYI, there is currently a load of laundry containing only J's clothes that is being washed in the washer. He came to the basement to show me something while I was working on the laundry. I asked, "Are you sure you don't want to do laundry now? I haven't started the next load." -"no thank you." "You are collecting a pile of dirty clothes down here (pointing to his pile)." "Are they clean or dirty?" "Dirty. Do you want to wash them now?" "No." (However at this point he picked up his pile of clothes and put them in the empty washer.) Once he had loaded his clothes, I talked him through the next steps. He did it all with no complaining. Maintained a happy attitude. Next I talked him through the steps for starting the dryer (even though the wet clothes were not his) and he did. Hopefully the follow-through will go just as smoothly to get his clean clothes put away.

Regaining My Parental Authority

I've decided that J needs to learn how to do laundry. I arrived at this decision this week, after J ran out of clean underwear and had to wear the same pair two days in a row. I found myself apologizing to him profusely and promising I would have clean underwear available for him after his next shower. He surprisingly handled it very well. No fits, no talking back. As I think about it, this makes sense. Because he had all the power in our exchange. The way I kept saying I was sorry put him in the driver's seat. It's no wonder he didn't say "well make sure you do get me clean underwear, woman!" right back to me. The fact of the matter is that I have been asking him to put his dirty clothes in one spot for years now. Some times he does and some times he does not. When he does not, I've been picking up after him. Now I will admit that most of his dirty underwear got to the bottom of the whites pile, and I hadn't gotten around to washing the clothes on the bottom in a while - they kept piling up on top. So the next day (after providing him with two clean pairs of underwear) I told him I was going to show him how to do the laundry this weekend. He said no, he would not learn that. "Why should I?" he asked. I told him I might break my leg like Grandma did and couldn't get to the basement to do the laundry. Besides, I said, everyone should know how to clean their own clothes. Meanwhile, I have stopped washing his clothes. Each time I start a new load, I let him know and say he has an opportunity to learn how to operate the washing machine (I'm starting small.) I have told him that if he doesn't learn how to do it, he might just run out of clean clothes. His response? The first time I said this he went into a huge fit. The second time, "I don't care." My plan is to let him know when I'm beginning a new load of laundry each time and give him the opportunity to get his clothes clean. Each time he refuses, I won't put any of his clothes in the washing machine. I've warned James that I'm doing this. I hope he won't get any of the backlash, but I don't want my son to be one of those kids who feels entitled (in this case to clean laundry) simply because he exists. Some might consider this mean. I hope one day his wife will appreciate my efforts.